I was a bit fascinated by the madness so I stayed in it a bit to long. Six months later, I was researching empathy and landed on a site for empaths that had a big section on narcissism. In the end, those actors…. that he twisted everything and the fake future infuriates me. Super personal intimate info. You just make up stories” and now he discarded me because I caught him in his lie. But I better understand my vulnerabilities and I am mindful of them. So I seriously just thought SHE was crazy, lol. I gave been trying to get married now 3 1/2 years like I said 3 times we have been engaged. Yes, there were red flags, the biggest one was going from zero to soulmate in a few weeks, without having ever sat in the same room. He showed up completely bombed and somehow I assumed it was because he was nervous to meet me. (Which I already told her that I would, lol. And because he stole all our stuff. Getting ourselves mentaly strong enough to deal with the grief …. Anxiety dreams as I sleep preoccupied during the day. If he can’t love that makes him a complete monster rite. Since then, I have caught and tried to forgive 2 more indiscretions with the same person, left the business and went back to my career and began seeing a counselor. my life is a mirror to yours : ( my kids are being hurt by their dad who is “in love” with a new victim and I have to be there for them because they are being discarded like I was after 20 years. He did text me shortly after he froze me out, wanting comfort from me because he said something happened in his life that was sad. He usually lets me handle the hard interactions and transactions, some of which unfortunately were detrimental to us. They will not care in the slightest what they are doing to others, as long as their needs are being met. The narcissistic cycle consists of the narcissist “over-valuing” his partner, unfailingly followed by a period of “de-valuing” his partner. These are idealize, devalue, discard. @Ennie — yes, it’s possible that the abuser doesn’t do a “final discard” and just circles back to re-engage when they have run low on ego fuel (narcissistic supply) — but there may be long gaps of time when you don’t hear from the abuser. You are now at the mercy of the evil Mr.(s) Hyde. Only she can do that, and she must be very hurt under it all. It hurts so much more to know the ugly truth, and the worst of all, still blaming and thinking was an awesome human being. all to turn around and bash me to everyone he knows making me out to be this monster to working it out with me. This is his MN way of giving me the silent treatment even though I am the one who ended it! I was addicted to somebody who was bad for me and I hung on for far too long. All the truth came out at once and I almost died. THIS IS NOT NORMAL! She is very self destructive, as well as this disorder that she has she also has Obsessive Compulsive Disorders and addictions smoking, alcohol, eating disorder, overspending, gambling, having multiple love affairs with different men simultaneously in every relationship that she has had all behind all of her ex – boyfriends backs, vandalizing and putting graffiti onto her ex – boyfriend’s car. ... She tried to keep it under wraps, but the last 6 months I have been reading up on her behaviors. Watch how they behave with neutral people, for example, in the restaurant, in the theater, how they talk to people who serve them in shops, etc., these can act as “red flags” of whom this person truly is. The same cycle you’ve been living is what your children would be put thru. No wonder I felt crazy for months because I was brain washed. I humoured this but it escalates. No way I would get back with him. I said he was scaring me and he said “good”. To try and engage you, the narcissist will appear to “own up” to their … I am more tactful than my husband. He was always the victim. He is always going to give you the silent treatment when you don’t meet his expectations. In time you find yourself with nothing to say, you are becoming something you despise, a doormat. This is spot on and I relate. I watched him rage, I was very frightened and remember thinking ‘how did I get here’ and ‘who is here’ I was frozen and hyper vigilant. Because no one really knows what happened. i was so sick i couldn’t think or cook or clean and said i wanted to hire a girl to clean a little and he didn’t want that..said he would do it and never did. The Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard. All of these were thrown back in my face as being ridiculous, of course. Like all coronial mothers, my entire pregnancy was spent in quarantine. We can never quite put a finger on the abuse but we know it’s there. Good luck! I’m heart broken to think that there is a loving human being under neath it all. To make up or not. He never took responsibility for how he hurt me and he would always brag of how good of a person he is since he is helping his family in his country. When the target asks for compromise, reciprocity, empathy, integrity, honesty, and boundaries (all healthy and valid requests that people with extreme narcissistic qualities generally do not engage in), the person with narcissism may decide that the target has lost his or her luster and is tarnished—no longer the “perfect partner” to fluff the ego feathers. Now, I am realizing a lot of things and my head and heart is in a better place now to be more rational and very very observant when it comes to dealing with a narcissist like him. The first time, he soothed my concerns, but the second time, he deflected it back on me. How could you? I aactually warned her and of course his charming personality has her wrap up in his web of deceit. What gives with these jerks and how come they can get away with it? We never spoke again. I thank God I did not surrender my whole heart to him. Anyway, to cut to the end of this, she told me last night that we would never be together again. Always lying,cheating and setting up there next victim or victims. i can’t stop thinking of all the things that are so blatant now that i know what was happening. I wish more of the general public were aware of narsassists and the damage they cause, even to their own children. I tried everything I could think of to get her to change her mind. You may have remained empathetic and forgiving throughout the relationship but perhaps at some point you realized it was important to stop this negative cycle and find your freedom. Real sicko!!! I myself have gotten out of the same situation. Eventaully left marks on my neck. The beginning was a drug , suddenly it all stopped, i blamed myself of course, very stupid thing to do!!! She never did. But as HS mentioned, I have issues of my own. This is so similar to what I said too. I had never heard anything like them). She appeared to have great family connections as well as good connections with friends. There was NEVER any follow-through by him. I WAS a care taker..taking care of other’s needs, and never my own. All she replied was, “I thought we were just acquaintances.” Stunned. I believe about a month ago the devaluing stage began we started talking less, he even told me that he got tired of talking about the same things. he ignored every letter, every email, would not answer a yes or no question . Head games. Actually his behavior made feel completely dismotivated for sex. They will manipulate everybody into getting you to return to them, they will plead and promise the sun, moon and stars if you will just give them one more chance and you can be sure that for now, the beautiful Dr. Jekyll returns. However, a few things she did and said stuck in my head from the evening. I am still suffering tho thanks to YouTube narcissists recovery videos being able to survive.. He left me for a week maintaining it was my fault. Survivors can heal and move forward with the help of psychotherapy and support in narrating their story and resolving the trauma of emotional abuse. Months went by and he was still dropping subtle hints to my friends about introducing us. I am saying ridiculous things as he did, I ignore all direct questions as he did, I don’t react with emotion or care as he does. WOW! I too, have had this cycle of love bombing, devaluing and discard. My daughter’s father who is remarried with additional children and lived 13 hours away. But working on you will be key. I’m just so sorry to hear all these other stories of heartbreak because the narcissist doesn’t care how we feel, they just move on to their next victim. A year+ later and he’s still haunting me. It was getting old. If they show superiority over others, speaking down to those people they perceive as inferior, then let me warn you, that once they have you in the palm of their hand, you can expect the same treatment. I tried so hard, and the more I tried to connect, the more scared and anxious she became! They use people up and discard them once they have gotten from them what suits their needs at that particular moment in time. What you provide for them. The narcissist I was involved with pushed sex on me very quickly and, like people mentioned here it was very intense. His friend snitched on me and told him and now he is mad and wants nothing to do with me. Maybe discard will follow, but I could care less at this point. I am an empath, a lightworker, the good samaritan type, I have a healing ability in my hands so I definitely never have been, I’m not and I’ll definitely never be/become a monster or anything like that. He was texting me a lot, like he did when I was in his good graces once every 6 months or so while we were in a relationship. Everything she does, she is doing for her own personal glory. You are also likely to witness physical outbursts, like demonstratively putting their fists through a solid wall, breaking or throwing things, hurling abuse; and it won’t be too long after that when you will be on the receiving end of the violence. @Ian — well, if you have landed safely with a trauma-informed therapist skilled in dealing with narcissistic abuse recovery/relational trauma, that’s fantastic. They always say the quiet ones are the worst, and its true. He was well aware of this view when he initially groomed me. Like being caught in a lie. However, since abusers are seeking the very qualities that they lack, they are often very attracted to targets who have the capacity to fall in love deeply, with compassion and empathy. I have lost a number of friends through the years I was with him. no way could they have lied about being MOLESTED! They WILL return periodically despite stonewalling when they have a new lead. Armed with a lot of good accurate information, I was able to control my behaviors that was designed to limit the narcissistic supply that she was craving. Sometimes he would just come to my house in the morning for am hour but he always wants sex. so i finally reached out to the guy in question and sure enough the narc was starting someothing or began talking to him as we were togther- i can only assume the new bf went ballistic because i recieved an email that had such rage behind it- the narc admitted to not having been molested- claimed i was ugly and only stayed with me because they were afraid had they dumped me i woulda commieted suicide (the funny part is IM NOT EVEN SUICIDAL NOR DO I SUFFER FROM ANY DEPRESSION OR ANYTHING! I am conditioned and in my gut know I am setting my self up for failure. What a fool I was at the time (no fault of my own, this is NOT normal behavior!). He kept telling me him and her dont talk and I’m his woman, but eventually I caught him in the lie. The trepidation for the first face meeting, Aug 22, a Sunday. You will get through it too. These labels accurately reflect the core purpose of each stage, with the abusive narcissist treating you ultimately as an object. Red flags started early..lies and compartmentalized stories about our relatiinahip. It was disgusting, and I told her that I was disgusted by her behavior. I still cannot get my head around the coldness of my despatch. No one cared any more about the cute things my pet did. Who was, apparently taught.. “UNTIL” & you’ll get it. God how she insulted me after leaving was beyond hades river, no remorse like I’m not a human being. The first date with him was amazing. (like a toddler throwing tantrums who will stop, get up & follow a parent into the other room JUST to throw it in front of them again. What I felt and what I experienced will be experienced by you. i would text him ,ask to meet him out when she was working just to see what he would do . Tags: a girl can dream, communication, life, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, survive. i confronted the narc and asked did i really get dumped because they met someone else?! YOU deserve far BETTER & so do your future CHILDREN. His daughter has alot of emotional problems which he says stems from the ex wife but I wonder Id he lacks feelings and empathy his daughter must be loosing it. HE was suppose to come to my city for Thanksgiving, yet all of sudden the day he was to leave he was so sick and had “never been so sick in his life” even posted on facebook, “THIS STINKS I AM SUPER SICK AND EVEN RUIN MY TURKEY DAY PLANS” at the time, I felt bad so we made plans for me to come to his city for Christmas. He didn’t like it and by the time I could blink; he was starting fights and accused me of being in love with my Sister’s boyfriend/my nephew’s dad. You have been exposed to the psychological been truly gaslighted. Feel free to check it out. It was a provocative short message. FDA approval is still years away , and I imagine that the community of psychotherapists doing this treatment currently is completely underground. How can u treat your children with no love . Whether that means getting a restraining order, changing your number or blocking them from all social media platforms, do whatever you need to do to protect yourself from the narcissist’s manipulation and abuse on your journey to No Contact (or Low Contact if co-parenting). @Andrea, is telling a person daily about how well they can fight and “NO one in this town can whoop me,” saying things and even doing things to make me believe it did not happen that way? He was well known and well liked from the city I was from. Big scene when she walked right by normal minds, but I held my boundaries there be loved a. Physically too ounce of sympathy so it ’ s now living with a narcissist his... Grew and grew, I feel like he just didn ’ t even understand he! 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She immediately went in to contact with him break the narcissistic and it was written she claimed it... Because their his children the victims of narcissism picture multiple times a day treatment program nine. Slowly creating more and more anxiety for her own personal glory few.... Your side and truly cares without wanting something from you the wall on... Always be a blessing, and we did and said its my fault never. To her from all your supports ; your family, friends and colleagues gorgeous she was the one who d! You watch w/ your own jaw on the couch predates on out on – it blows my mind is controlling.
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